Many of you will recognise this scenario: it’s a busy time so you’re working flat out, you have family commitments that you are just about managing, the weather is against you, but you’re coping, and you are even able to stay in touch with friends from time to time. It feels exhausting, but you know that you just need to keep ploughing on until you get through it. Then something happens that you hadn’t planned for. A vehicle breaks down, an extra bill comes in, someone falls ill, or you are told that you have an inspection. These are all things that can happen in life, but when they occur in an already stressful time, it can be difficult to remain focused. How able we are to negotiate them will come down to our resilience.
Facing setbacks and challenges
Resilience is what allows us to face the setbacks and challenges that we all encounter in our daily lives and to tackle them head on, adapt, and move forwards. We all have some degree of resilience, which will be influenced by how long we have been working through a particular situation, our past experiences and our health.
I think that I’m a fairly resilient person. However, when my resilience is at a low ebb, I know because I start to get ill; I will develop a sore throat, get cold sores and feel exhausted. But it also shows in how I live my life. I will stop communicating, have less patience and be more direct and snappier in my interactions. I often disappear inside my own head, focusing on trying to get through whatever is the challenge, but also not being able to think clearly and ruminating on how unfair life feels. Definitely not the best way to deal with this kind of situation!
In contrast, when my resilience levels are high, I can manage pressing deadlines, juggle multiple stressful situations and still be able to function properly and effectively. I may still feel angry, nervous or worried, but I am able to manage these emotions and act rationally. My resilience enables me to find appropriate solutions, often with the help of others.
The stress bucket
For me, my levels of unmanaged stress have a converse relationship with my resilience; more stress = less resilience. Therefore, trying to proactively manage stress is key to building resilience.
At the DPJ Foundation, we often talk about the ‘stress bucket’. This is a way of thinking about stress as the water in a bucket, when we encounter stressful situations each day, more water fills our stress bucket. If we don’t manage that stress, the bucket will eventually overflow and we hit breaking point. Thankfully our buckets have a tap which means we can manage stress by doing things to help, letting out some of that water.
When I’m feeling overwhelmingly stressed, I find that a change of scenery (whether that is simply a walk outside or a drive) can help a little. However, I often need to move my mind away from the repetitive thinking and sometimes I do this by ‘tricking’ my mind; trying to think of as many films or songs as I can starting with a particular letter or reciting the 19 times table (it involves some maths so forces you to stop thinking). This can then clear enough space in my thoughts to be able to look a bit more rationally at what is needed. Physical exercise, especially sport, is also great as you can’t focus on a problem when you’re trying to intercept a ball.
My biggest tip for building resilience would be to try being proactive. Very few things improve by being ignored. Instead, try to make a plan of how to address a situation, can someone else help or can offloading your worries clear some mind space for you to be able to focus? Remember how strong you are - you will have faced difficulties in the past and survived, you can do it again - what helped you get through things last time? Even in the worst situations, there can be glimmers of hope.
Discovering your own strength
It may simply be discovering your own strength or who else can be relied on. It can sometimes feel like you’ve been backed into a corner and have no options, but there is always a choice. That may only be the choice of how you react to a situation, whether you let it defeat you or if you have the strength to get through it, but there are always options. Holding onto grudges is the enemy of resilience; it reinforces negative thoughts bringing you down, indeed Nelson Mandela said, ‘we never heal until we forgive’.
For some final words on resilience, I’d suggest a look at Edgar A Guest’s 1921 poem ‘Keep Going’ that’s quoted in my title. The closing lines are ‘It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t give up."
Where to find help
Remember that we are always here at the DPJ Foundation if you need to speak to someone, whether you are struggling to find hope, life is just a bit hard or are worried about someone else. Our Share the Load helpline is confidential and open 24 hours on 0800 587 4262. Or you can text 07860 048799.
Papyrus HOPELINE247 is available to call on 0800 068 41 41 or text 07860 039 967.
Farming helplines
If you or someone you know is struggling, there are always people to talk to, here are some helplines to call:
The DPJ Foundation 0800 5874262
RABI Cymru 0800 188 4444
Tir Dewi 0800 121 4722
Farming Community Network (FCN Cymru) 03000 111 999
Mind Cymru 0300 123 3393
Samaritans 116 123
YANA 0300 323 0400
and many more.